Neigh, I Don't Want Those Slutty Shoes.

My day job demands, well, not much really, thus I spend far too much time on the Internet. That could be time well spent reading the New York Times, writing, furthering my career etc. etc. But alas, despite my best intentions, I inevitably end up “window” shopping. This is, however, a vast improvement on my past predilection for actual shopping. I’ve been asked why I torment myself by looking at stuff that I can’t afford to buy (stupid frugality kick), and I can’t honestly say why – maybe I like that feeling of longing, yearning. Without them a boring job is even more so.

One of my favorite online stores to browse is Modcloth. I don’t know what it is about their logo, layout or aesthetic but it just really appeals to me, and generally the things they sell, especially the shoes, are cute and pretty reasonably priced. Sometimes though they’re so far off the mark, you wonder if you’re still in same store.

A case in point - this pair of shoes which they named “A Night’s Tale Heel” (more about that later). Usually their stuff is understated, cool, mod even, but these are just trah'shy. If I saw a woman wearing these I would run a mile in the other direction lest she think I was encroaching on her turf. A sky-high heel, chain link, and velvet? Please, they could star in their own porno. The best thing is that on the website they recommend you pair them with your “medieval-inspired accessories.” Damn, my helmet and greaves are still at the Blacksmith’s being polished.


Their other fail from today is this monstrosity. It’s redonkulous. Literally. It’s a purse, shaped like a donkey. I suppose it might be a horse but let’s be honest, a purse by any other name would look as daft. It’s apparently made out of ‘dark and stormy canvas,’ which doesn’t surprise me - I’d be feeling pretty dark and stormy if I’d been used to make this, and the kicker here is that they’re asking a lofty $112.99, erm, they can go jump.

Like I said, I do generally like what they sell, and given how much Modcloth have made from me, I can give my two cents on a couple of items. What has always irked me, however, is the names they bestow upon their products. For whatever reason they can’t just call it a crocheted vest, they must call it “As the Crochet Flies Vest.” All I hear is the third syllable of that sentence. “A Night’s Tale Heel” is no better – just adding to the ‘streetwalker’ vibe, people. And can they just call this a horse-purse? No, they must call it a ‘Misty of Chic-oteague Purse.’ What?? I know that this is probably some über clever reference to a famous horse which is completely lost on those of us not equine inclined, but you know what? I don’t care. It doesn’t make me want to go and find out what horse they’re talking about, and it definitely doesn’t make me want to buy the purse, besides which it doesn’t even look like a horse, it looks like a donkey.